“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”
What in your life you’d like to change? Anything specific that you want to achieve? Whatever your wants may be, it is important you have clearly defined set of goals (in NLP, we call it WFO – Well-Formed Outcome). Otherwise, it would be like trying to find your way without a map. Although, you may eventually reach your desired destination, you will get lost along the way, struggle, even get confused before you are anywhere near your destination. All these could be avoided, and with you cruising towards your want smoothly.
Today, I’ll talk about 3 aspects which I specifically believe is key to achieving our desired outcomes.
#1 Self-Initiated and Maintained
Your wants are your own; not others.
About 4 years ago, I decided to take up gym training, and even engaged a Personal Trainer. I had a clear goal for myself. To be stronger and develop a more toned physique. You see, I was physically quite weak and just too skinny-looking. It was simple. I want to look at myself in the mirror and be satisfied with what I see. And when I have attained it, I just maintain it. Nothing more.
Moreover, I had no fixed timeline. Just take my time and enjoy the journey. After all, as long as I keep up with the routine, I could only improve.
However, my Trainer had his own goals and wants for me. And they didn’t match with mine. He wanted me to be able to do unassisted pull-ups on my own, do 60kg deadlifts and squats, and whatnots, and all with specific timelines.
His goals (for me) just didn’t register with me… because they were not my goals. I almost accepted them as my goals until I became aware that they are my trainer’s goals and not my own. ‘Till today I haven’t attained his goals for me, and I have achieved mine 😊 and moved on to my “maintenance” mode.
Likewise, sometimes we unconsciously take on other people’s wishes for us. And we may not even realise that these outcomes are not what we actually want for ourselves.
Well, you needn’t dismiss others’ ideas out of hand. However, you should check them against your aspirations and desires. You must keep in mind that many suggestions are given out love or concern but lack the big picture of whether they fit into you and your life.
#2 Global Ecology and Balance
Consider the consequences for you and others.
We can’t isolate our desired outcomes from the rest of our lives. We have our beliefs, values and priorities which are equally important. Our want should fit in with who we are. That’s not all. It is not to be ignored how what we want would affect others too.
Adding on, it is paramount that our desired outcomes expand our choices and not restrict or remove them. We should do sanity checks on how an outcome may not be good for us, and if there are any negative consequences to us or others.
Now back to my goal – me wanting to include gym workouts into my lifestyle expanded choices for me. Apart from just gym training, I also got to explore outdoor activities with my trainer and then even moved on to adding Muay Thai training to my exercise routine. I kept what I wanted in my training program; what I didn’t want, I dropped. In any case, my additional choices added to my goal of building strength, getting toned and achieve my desired physique.
Now, how did my goals affect others? Hmm… let’s see… perhaps it affected my Trainer as he had to plan the workouts for me and be there to train me. And it’s nothing negative; it is his job and I pay him to do it. Hmm… no harmful consequences to my friends or family too. All check!
#3 Your Compelling Reason
Get crystal clear on the “why”.
By getting absolutely clear as to why we must achieve our goal, we find our purpose. A strong purpose gives us rich fulfilment when we achieve our desired outcome. And it’s all about what the result will make us as a person.
Realising the compelling reason behind our want also helps in keeping us laser-focused and pull us through the challenges. When we create a strong enough “why” to keep us going (even if through hell), we will have the power to rise above anything that comes our way.
Understand at this point that material objects, titles or ranks will not give us lasting happiness.
That which makes us truly happy is the person we become and the deeds of our lifetime.
My compelling reason for wanting to be stronger and better my physique is because it is very important to me to feel great about myself. This was crucial to my transformation journey of who I am wanting to be. I believed that me becoming stronger and developing the physique I love, will positively affect me. True enough, I not only became stronger physically, but also stronger mentally and emotionally.
To clarify, while gaining physical strength and transforming my overall physique, I kept feeling better with myself as my posture and the way I carry myself tremendously improved. That in turn boosted my overall confidence. Our Physiology affects our state.
Remember, the next time you catch yourself going after a goal, check-in with yourself:
- Is it something you want for yourself?
- Does it maintain ecological balance (with others) and self-balance (for you)?
- Is it powered by a compelling reason; a strong “why”?
With that, I wish you all the best in your endeavours!
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